I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I just threw up on my dentist
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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