remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
