So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
