I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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