Can i not drive my cunt home
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
