dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
