I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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