I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
