I need help removing her.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
