i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
