I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
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