you would pick up someone in the library
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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