jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
