I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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