you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
