Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize
