I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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