Cold hands, warm shart.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
