the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
