omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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