i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Randomize