Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
