They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
