i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
