Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
