some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
