He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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