i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I cockslap morals
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize