my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
4 words: hood of his car
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
