I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
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