I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
