OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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