shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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