I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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