I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
