He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
