FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
