how do flat chested girls get laid?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
this is an emotional support booty call
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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