somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
