Will you blow on my dice?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
