Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
