God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
