Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
