Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize