you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
