Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
