First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize