I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
