my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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