hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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