I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Randomize
