I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
