I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
