so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
