i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
