she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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