no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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