GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
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