Princesses don't give blow jobs
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
