I'm so fucking centered right now
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
