I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
