I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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