AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize