it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
