Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
