They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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