he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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