I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Your dad touched me again.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
