how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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