I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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